Heading For an Election

I’ve heard that the government might be considering calling a general election. I believe this is rather good news. Because I have a candidate who would like to be considered for your votes. 

He is remarkably capable of running the government and making sensible decisions about the economy. His politics are aligned with modern thinking in all the proper ways and he enjoys a cheese and piccalilli sandwich. 

His name is Mitch and he is, by trade, a Magpie. Do not let that put you off. He told me today that he and the missus are more than happy to use just the one domicile in Downing Street. No. 10 Up The Road will not be necessary. He said it can be turned into a dovecote so that the pigeons stay away from Downing Street. You don’t want pigeons anywhere near the management of the country. 

You may wonder what qualifies a Magpie for high office. Well, the first thing is obvious. High office? For a bird? Of course they can make it up there. They will simply fly. 

The second thing is communication. Mitch will not spend time making TikTok videos about balm cakes or buses. Nor will he be swayed by shiny objects, unless they are truly exceptional. He promises a government of transparency, mostly because he has nothing to hide in his nest. 

The third thing is the economy. Mitch says that will be his first thing. He understands money. He and the missus make no secret of the fact that they like hoarding shiny things. And have done so in previous years. But what that means is: they are very good with money. The National Debt worries Mitch. But he has a plan to reduce it very quickly. Largely by selling it to the French, since according to Mitch, they own us millions anyway. 

I asked Mitch for a memorable quote. He said this: “The country is collapsing under the unbearable weight of internal corruption, external peer pressure, and an unexpected shortage of decent nest-building material.”

So, when the time comes, cast your vote for Mitch. A candidate who truly knows how to wing it.