The Editors — Plan before You write

Here's a new radio script featuring The Editors. Plan before you write, a good piece of advice that Arthur is keen to discuss...

SCENE BRIEFING
SETTING: A soundproofed recording studio booth. A single ribbon microphone hangs between three people.

CHARACTERS:

• ARTHUR: Old school Fleet Street newspaper editor
• PROFESSOR JOHN PENHALIGON: Professor of English
• Dr PENELOPE ROSE : Creative writing expert and a Northern lass

---

FX: STUDIO ROOM-TONE. THREE PEOPLE SHUFFLE AROUND A SINGLE HANGING MICROPHONE.

PENELOPE:
Aw reet chaps. Let’s kick things off with a proper good ‘un. Planning before you write.

ARTHUR:
Yep, I’ve been telling my journos to do that fer years.

PENELOPE:
Aye and this one shouldn’t take long. It’s easy enough.

PENHALIGON:
Ah yes, there’s nothing like a good span.

(BEAT)

PENELOPE:
Shall we crack on then Arthur?

ARTHUR:
Yep, it’s dead bloody simple. List out the points yer want to make BEFORE you write.

PENELOPE:
Aye, and that works for fiction as well as non-fiction, like.

FX: LOUD SQUEAKING OF PEN BEING USED TO WRITE ON A WHITEBOARD.

ARTHUR:
(SIGHING)
I daren’t ask what the hell yer doing, prof?

PENHALIGON:
Hmm?

PENELOPE:
Er, what are yer up to there, prof?

PENHALIGON:
Making a plan of course! As we discussed.

ARTHUR:
(BEMUSED)
This is radio yer dipstick. People can hear, not see.

PENHALIGON:
Of course, Arthur. But I cannot talk about making a plan having not made a plan.

ARTHUR:
What?

PENELOPE:
He’s got a point there, Arthur.

ARTHUR:
Fuck it, I’ll carry on. All yer need to do is use bullets in a list—

FX: A LOUD BANG LIKE THE SOUND OF A GUN BEING FIRED.

ARTHUR:
(ANGRY)
What the FUCK was THAT?

PENELOPE:
BUGGER! I nearly had an accident then! What the hell?

PENHALIGON:
Fear not. It is merely a starter pistol. But I wanted to demonstrate the use of bullets.

ARTHUR:
(ANGRY)
So you decided to fire a fucking pistol without warning us?

PENELOPE:
Aw reet, Arthur. Calm down. The professor is trying to be helpful.

ARTHUR:
(SIGHING)
Christ, that bloke will be the death of me.

PENHALIGON:
Who?

(BEAT)

ARTHUR:
(SKEPTICAL)
That bloody professor idiot I’m recording this with.

PENHALIGON:
Ah, yes. I’ve heard about him. Tsk! Shame. I could work with a fellow academic.

(BEAT)

PENELOPE:
Er, reet, anyway, are we agreed then? Write a list of what yer what to say? Organise the list and then write?

ARTHUR:
Bang on, there, Penelope.

FX: A LOUD BANG LIKE THE SOUND OF A GUN BEING FIRED — AGAIN.

ARTHUR:
WHAT THE FUCK?

PENELOPE:
BLOODY HELL! Oh, prof. What did you do that for?

PENHALIGON:
(INDIGNANT)
Arthur requested the bang sound effect!

(BEAT)

PENELOPE:
Ah, he didn’t mean that, prof. It was a figure of speech.

PENHALIGON:
(CONFUSED)
Well, yes. That’s what I did. I used a trigger in the breach!

(BEAT)

PENELOPE:
Aye, ‘appen yer confusing the shit out us today prof. But for anyone still listening, make a list of the things you want to say, organise the order. Then write. But not before.

ARTHUR:
That’ll do nicely. I’m off before that mad bugger shoots us.

FX: A LOUD SLAM OF THE BOOTH DOOR.

PENELOPE:
Cut.

FX: Sudden hollow thump of an open mic, high-pitched feedback whining briefly through monitor speakers, then a sharp cut to total silence.