Whatever Happened to Banter?

The working week is coming to an end. One more day to go. I know I’m getting old because by Thursday, I’m usually knackered these days. But that reminds me of a situation that is worrying. 

I’m sometimes referred to as “Old Grey Beard” at work. I have no problem with it because there is no malicious intent. And both parts of the statement are correct. I’m ageing, and my beard is grey. But, there are people who would take umbrage at such names. And I genuinely don’t know why. But there are people who have brought tribunals — and won them, for what is workplace banter. 

When I cast my mind back, I remember working with a guy who was called “The Clock” because he had one hand bigger than the other. Another guy was called “The Planet” because he had a large forehead. And another was called “The Swerve” because he always seemed to dodge the harder jobs. 

Then, there was “Sick Note” for obvious reasons, “Lurch” for a tall bloke and “Wing Nut” for a bloke whose ears stuck out. 

But here’s the thing. There was no ill-intent meant, or perceived, by any of those names. It was banter. Pure and simple. Rest assured, the people involved gave as good as they got, and that’s how it should be. 

Please excuse the upcoming colourful language, but it demonstrates the point. I could walk into the Mess while serving in the British Army in the Eighties. And the conversation would start something like this:

“Ey up, here’s nobhead. I bet he’s forgotten his wallet.” 

“Piss off, face-ache, have you been scaring the locals again?” 

“Oi! Andy! I’d take that body back to the shop. It’s all off-kilter and fucked up”. 

“Yeah? I bet the midwife slapped your mother when you dropped out.” 

And so on. BUT, while all this was happening, we’d be handing each other a pint, and we’d have spent the day working together, often in quite dangerous situations. These same guys would be the ones who’d go out of their way to help you if you needed it. 

It’s called banter. And it’s harmless. And very, very funny. But that depends on who you are, I suppose. 

The thing is, I grew up on a diet of British comedy greats. People like: Spike Milligan, The Monty Python team, Douglas Adams, Tommy Cooper and more. Their brand of absurdist, anarchic comedy and their laceration of pointless bureaucracy was hilarious. 

Much of it would be cancelled today. 

Why? 

Because people would find it offensive. Eh? I do not understand that. It makes me feel like there has been a massive decline in our ability to be self-deprecating. One of my favourite descriptions of somebody’s face came from Mr Spike Milligan. He described an officer in the army that he served under as having: “a face like a dog’s bum with a hat on”. I’m laughing now, it’s bloody hilarious. 

I also remember a conversation some years ago with a colleague at work. He was trying to remind me of a woman we’d had a difficult client meeting with. We’d had several, so I was struggling. Until he said: “You know, the one with a face like a slapped arse!” I knew instantly who he meant. 

Now look, I know many people would find both of those examples rude and unpleasant. But I say again: the word “intent” is important. Spike was telling a funny story about when he joined the army. And my colleague was trying his best to nudge my memory. Neither had any malicious intent behind them. And both still make me laugh out loud now. 

Anyway, Old Grey Beard is going to make a brew. Keep laughing, it’s better for your face muscles than crying.